February Transcripts

Transcript 1:

Bean: I had fun going to dinner with you and Daddy, Mum!
Me: We had fun too! You did a good job eating your spaghetti.
Bean: I like 'spetti! Just me and Mommy and Daddy. Maggie [the dog] can't come.
Me: That's right; Mags stayed home.
Bean: Her can't come. Her's too big to fit in a high chair!
Me: That's right! Also, there are no dogs allowed in the restaurant.
Bean: Yeah! 'Cause her would poop on the floor!

Transcript 2:

Me: Bean, Friday is pajama day at school!
Bean: OK, Mum! I bring my crib, too!

Transcript 3:
Bean: I want to grow up to be a mommy, just like you, Mum!
Me (truly touched): Oh, honey, that's so nice! You do?
Bean: Yeah. So I can have GUM!


And a few quotes:

I put the trash in the psycho bin for you, Mum!

I did not dream some dreams last night, Mum. I try again tonight.

I got egg seeds at the store with Daddy! To grow eggplants!

That's Madison, Mum. Her's a big kid. Her has ear wings!

I have a little tiny bum, Mum. You have a big bum!

Not so green Bean

When I first offered Bean solid foods around six months of age, she was excited. She loved everything - everything - that I put in front of her, from cereal, to prunes, to beets, as well as the usual delicious suspects like carrots and apples. She loved avocados and mangoes, and when it was time to introduce meats she loved salmon and haddock and chicken. She loved her food so much she would hum "Num num num num" the whole time she ate, loving every moment of the (albeit pureed) culinary experience.

And then, suddenly, the tables turned. Around age 2 she decided she didn't like vegetables or meat any more. I could get her to eat a few peas or green beans, and maybe some meat sauce on pasta, but that's about it. Luckily she still loved berries and bananas and apples, and she liked whole wheat pasta, yogurt, cheese, eggs, etc. for protein. Now she's 2 1/2 and has decided that she also doesn't like most fruits. Getting nutritious food into her has become quite a challenge, and she's become equally skilled at avoiding it.

Last week I found the apples I had lovingly sliced stowed in her juice cup and heard her offering the dog some peas as a "treat."

Bean, did you eat your green beans with your lunch at school today? No, Mum. I did-dint. I can't like them.

Now Bean gets a lot of her fruits and veg in the form of yogurt smoothies (with peas, avocado, blueberries, spinach puree, and all sorts of yummy additions) and pasta with cheese sauce (including pureed squash, pumpkin, or carrot). Tomato sauce for pasta is also a great place to "hide" veggies and proteins that get gobbled with gusto. I've also discovered that "duck sauce" (applesauce with a little strawberry to make it pink) is a ready vehicle for brown rice and chicken.

I'm sure (I really hope!) that this, as with all kids' phases, too will pass, but in the meantime I should document some of her more creative strategies.

• Please have pudding, Mum? No, Bean, you can't have pudding with your breakfast. Maybe after lunch. Please have lunch, Mum?
  
• No thank you Mum. I no want my peas. Please put them in the fridge? I save them for high school.
• Here, Daddy. These are for you!
• I want something else, Mum! Something.....good!
• Please have some cookies Mum? No, honey, you need to eat some more lunch. Would you like some strawberries? No thank you Mum. Please have some cookies? No. Please? I said 'Please,' Mum!
• OK, Bean, I see you're not eating your dinner. Are you full? Ready to get down? All done, Mummy! [I clear her tray.] Please have something else Mum? [She gets a huge smile on her face and whispers] Somethin' good!

I always vowed that I not would bargain with her about food ("Eat your banana or there will be no dessert,") but that seems to be all that will work these days....unless I want her to live on pudding and cheese and crackers.

Quote of the Day

"My friend John goes pee on the potty, Mum! Him has big-girl underpants!"

Dr. Bean, MD

Bean loves going to the doctor, and she constantly talks about her pediatrician. This comes in handy, kind of like Santa Claus, when we try to convince her to eat her vegetables or brush her teeth. "Dr. B. said big girls need to eat their peas..." Works like a charm. Sometimes.

Anyway, she recently started pretending to be Dr. B. I have a blood blister on my pinky that just won't go away. She has to be sure to "kiss my boo boo to make it feel better" at least twice a day, and yesterday she decided she would fix it once and for all - with her toy Craftsman drill. She also had to use the drill to take my "temp-asure" in my armpit, which of course required a lot of shirt-wrangling and contortion on my part. "You no have a fever, Mum. You don't need medicine." [Surely she was thinking, "More medicine for me!" - will post on that subject shortly.] Finally, the drill doubled as a "telescope" to listen to my heartbeat.

The healing-by-drill was a fun game, but I had to put the brakes on when she said, "You have a tummy ache, Mum. I make you feel better," as she lifted up my shirt and stabbed me in the stomach with a pencil. I did NOT see that one coming. I suggested that she focus her healing attention on her teddy bear. I'm sorry to say that if Boo Boo Bear didn't have a tummy ache before, he surely has one now.

My favorite Dr. Bean moment was when I was feeling blue a few days ago. She said, in her most tender voice, with a little hand on my cheek, "You are sad Mum? You want me to get you a band-aid?"

The girl is specific

Please may I have some delicious chocolate cake on a tiny breakable dish, Mum? 

How to buy a better mouse trap?

1. Spill ice cold soda on my lap on the way to Walmart. Try to walk quickly so other shoppers don't see my wet pants.
2. Search the hardware / housewares section for 20 minutes before finding a Walmart employee who directs me to the grocery section. (Of course! How did I not know mouse traps would be with groceries?!)
3. Select two packages of traps.
4. Proceed to  express lane.
5. Wait in line for 15 minutes because the person ahead has at least 80 items in his cart (how did he miss the huge "EXPRESS LANE - 20 Items or Less" sign?) [Side rant: Is it really that difficult to use the correct "Fewer?"]
6. Wait another two minutes while said express lane offender waits to hear his total before searching for his credit card and handing it to the cashier. [Is this your first time in a store buddy? Run it through the machine while you're being rung up....]
7. Wait as traps are rung up; pay $4.23.
8. Return to car to find that some one has parked his FJ Cruiser six inches from my driver's side door.
9. Climb in over passenger seat and drive home.
10. Smack hubby when he says, "Why didn't you just go to Home Depot?"
11. Realize the day can only improve from here.

Memorable Quotes

I know it's taboo to blog about not blogging, so I'll quickly apologize for my six month(!) hiatus, promise to post regularly, and then move on...

Bean is now 2 1/2 and VERY vocal. She is constantly asking what things are, who made them, where they went, and what their middle names are.

Every time I repeat her latest sound byte, I'm told "You should really write these down, or you'll forget them forever!" So, at last, I am doing so. These are just a few of the gems.

• Who made my bed, Mum? The people at the store, honey. But who made my bum, Mum?
• I don't want Santa to eat all my cookies, Mum!
• What's Santa's middle name? What's him's mom's name?
• Santa eats all those cookies so he can get STRRRROOOONNNGGGG!
• Where did Aunt M go? Her has a beard.
• I need my hat and minutes to go outside, Mum!
• I had NO nap, Grammy. Mommy is upSET!
• I had a good nap! Santa is happy! [TG for Santa!]
• Where's my hotdog's face go? I no like him.
• Santa lives at the Nerf Pole, Daddy!
• What's your dolly's name? Yogurt!
• What's your other dolly's name? Doctor!
• What's your boy doll's name? Princess!
• What would you like to ask Santa for? Fried dough!
• Wait your turn, Mum! [when I'm driving....]
• What she doed to you, Mum? [when I scold the dog]
• You doin' some emails on your 'puter?
• Why were you crying? I was cranky!
• I stick the flashlight in [the dog's] bum! Just pretend!
• My Daddy's middle name is Thomas! Thomas the Tank Engine!
• Just listen to the music, Mum. Take a deep breath. There. Now you feel better. [This from a two year old?!]
• I don't want to eat that. I can't like it, Daddy!
• Please have a delicious cookie, Mum?
• Please have something delicious to eat?
• Please have a snack? No, you need to eat your dinner. Please have pudding?!
• Look at that dude running! With NO PANTS! [jogger in ultra short shorts]
• Let's watch Glue's Clues! Let's watch Clifford the Red Big Dog!
• [Looking at digital photos] Let's just watch the video Dad!
• What do you think turkeys like to eat? Bugs! Lady bugs! And  they have to wear them's sun hats and sun scream at the beach!

Everyone was right. I can't remember them all!

Baby Bean

Bean loves looking at pictures, especially baby pictures - and most especially her OWN baby pictures. I have an album by my bed that she usually looks at while I'm getting dressed in the morning. She could look for hours, turning the pages calling out the names of the people in the photos.

Yesterday we were flipping through together, and I said, "Look how tiny you were! You started out very, very little, and you grew in Mommy's belly! Do you remember when you were very small, inside my belly?"

She crawled across the bed to where I was sitting and put her head against my stomach. "Back in? Back in, Mommy?"

Bounce-o-rama

We attended an SPCA fund-raising event this past weekend, and, in addition to animal-related exhibits, they had tons of fun stuff for kids - face painting, clowns making balloon animals, and....a BOUNCY HOUSE.



Bean was so excited when she saw it that I said she was 2 (she is ALMOST there) so she could gain entrance... She bounced and laughed and bounced and laughed... I couldn't get her out. Hubby coaxed her out with ice cream bait once, but we made the mistake of letting her go back for another round. It was now well past nap time, and she was fading fast. Despite droopy eyelids and increasing clumsiness, she continued to jump and be tossed about by the other kids' bouncy aftershocks.

"OK, Bean, time to get out, please."

"Nooooo, Mumma! Bounce! Bounce!"

This went on for a while until, finally, the bouncy house attendant told her it was some one else's turn.

We thought we were done with the bouncing, until, over the monitor as she fell asleep, we heard her: "Bounce! Bounce! House! Bye-bye bounce. Bye-bye, bounce!"

And then the next morning, I opened her door and was greated with, "Hi Mumma! Bounce! Bounce!"

I think it's safe to say that we'll be renting a bouncy house for her birthday party this year...

Purple poo

I recently got some new, blueberry-scented shampoo for Bean. The bottle is purple with the picture of a hippo on it, and she's developed a mild obsession with it, crying out several times a day:

Poooo! Purple poo! Pooo! Poooo! Purple poo! Purple poo poo! More poo!

Transcript 6

Hubby left for work before Bean woke up this morning, but he made her a special toast-and-applesauce octopus sculpture before he left.

Bean, eating breakfast: Dad-dee? Dad-dee?
Me: Daddy's at work, honey.
Bean: Daddy workin'.
Me: Yup. But he made you this special toast before he left. Wasn't that nice?
Bean, examining her toast, a huge smile forming: Good girl, Dad-deeee!

OMG I'm a such a Nerm!

What is this "Nerm," you ask? My sister's fiance and his friends created this word in high school to describe nerdy moms. I laughed when I first heard it, immediately flashing to a mental picture of such a woman. Little did I know then that I would one day become the ultimate nerm...

Let's count some of the ways in which I am nermified.

First: my friends and family are all-too-familiar with my trucker's mouth. However, not wanting to pass this nasty habit on to my Bean, I have tried to clean up my act. I regularly say things like:

• Good gracious!


• Whoa, Nelly!


• Uh oh, spagettios!


• You're a silly billy!


• Geez, Louise!

Sometimes I slip a little, and have to recover, through gritted teeth:

FFFFFFFFFFFFF-u-u-unny dog....
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh-ugar!

And sometimes I really do slip and promise myself I'll try harder next time.

Anyway, I recently heard myself played back on a video that Hubby took saying "Good graaaaacious!" in my baby-talk voice and I realized what a dork I've become.

Other Nermy things of note:

• I sing along to the piped-in music at the grocery store. Out loud. And I don't care who hears me.


• I sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider" - complete with the accompanying hand movements - in front of a bunch of people I didn't know trying to get Bean to smile while having her pictures taken at Picture People (and anyone familiar with my trucker's mouth is also painfully aware of my inability to carry a tune, even one as simple as Itsy Bitsy). Technically, also, I think that patronizing said photo store in the first place already qualifies as supremely nermy.


• The spot on my counter previously occupied by gin, vermouth, and Shiraz now has a lovely assortment of Juicy Juice, Organic Elmo crackers, and plastic sippy cups. (Those other things are still in my kitchen, of course - just not as readily accessible ;-)


• I have crazy kids' music (Old MacDonald B-I-N-G-O, Ten in the Bed, etc.) playing at most times, much to the horror of my friends when they stop by for a visit ("Who ARE you?")


• I have subscriptions to Parents magazine, Baby Talk, and Good Housekeeping (all of which are labeled "wicked dorky" by my co-workers)


• I traded my 5-speed Beemer for a station wagon. (OK, it's a Passat, but a wagon nonetheless.)


• The first thing I uploaded to my new iPod Touch was a Sesame Street video


• Etc., etc., etc.

I'm not really lamenting my nerm status here - just a little surprised by it. Apparently, dorkiness creeps up on you.

The Half Monty

Bean's favorite new trick is taking her pants off. Well, I suppose I shouldn't say off. She pulls them down around her ankles but can't get them over her slippers - so she just walks around with them like that, with this huge "Oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-how-clever-I-am!" grin on her face.

Apparently, she learned this at school from the-boy-who-always-takes-his-pants-off. When I dress her in jeans, she's fine, but those comfy elastic-waisted numbers just aren't cutting it these days.

Luckily, it's winter so she has a onesie on for extra insulation - otherwise I'm sure her diaper would be off too.

Mommy McVino

Bean and I went to visit my sister and her fiance this weekend. As I came down the stairs into the kitchen, my sister said in a serious voice, "I'm really worried about you."

She turned and pointed to a wine glass she had just removed from the dishwasher. "When Bean saw me take that out, she pointed to it and said, 'Ma-ma!'"

We laughed about it, but I was secretly horrified.

That is, of course, until a few minutes later, when Bean saw Nanny McPhee on the TV and ran over to the screen, pointing and yelling, "Dah-deee! Dah-deee!"

How do I love thee?

One truly does not know how much her parents love her until she too becomes a parent.

Thank you Mom; thank you Dad.

Symphony of toddlerese

Alternate title: What did parents do before baby monitors?

I love my baby monitor. It gives me freedom to move around the house, watch TV - even sit out on the deck - and know that if Bean wakes up, I will be able to hear her.

Most of the time it's just her cute little snore broadcasting over the air waves. Of course there's the occasional late-night cry, but thankfully those are few and far between these days. When she wakes up in the morning, Hubby and I sit down with our coffees and laugh as she performs her A.M. monologue. It usually goes something like this:


Mum-ma! Mum-ma! And when that doesn't bring anyone to the door: Dah-dee! Dah-dee! Didda-didda-dididididida! Mum-ma!

Next she likes to throw her pacifier, which for some reason she has named "Mimi," out of her crib and thus out of her reach.


Uh-oooooh! Mimi! Mimi! Mimimimimmiiiiiii! Mum-ma-mum-ma-mum-ma-Dah-deeeeee! Uh-oh! Uuuuh-ooooooh?

She's not distressed - just chatting along to herself, cracking up laughing every now and then. I know I should go to her, but I'd rather sit and listen!

Play it by ear - UPDATE

As I wrote in "Play it by ear," we've tried chiropractic treatments as an alternative to antibiotics for Bean's ear infections. I am happy to report that we visited her pediatrician today, and the double ear infection she had last week is gone after two gentle adjustments by Dr. B.!

Going forward, we'll go to the chiropractor for a quick adjustment when Bean has a cold, which is what usually precedes the ear infection, and this will, in theory, allow her Eustachian tubes to drain properly. It almost seems too simple to be true (read: why are peds pumping kids with antibiotics if such an easy, non-drug therapy is available?), but I've heard from so many people that this did the trick for their little one's ears. Only time will tell, but: so far so good.

Play it by ear...

This winter, Bean has had several ear infections. Each time she gets a runny nose or cold, no matter how fleeting or mild, her Eustachian tubes fill with fluid and become infected. Her doctor says "five or six infections a year is normal, and after that, we consider tubes." I find it hard to accept that half-a-dozen painful infections is "normal," and I really want to avoid the possibility of tubes. Furthermore, I'm not comfortable giving my Bean course after course of antibiotics - especially when the last three doses seem to have had no effect.

I asked Bean's pediatrician if there was anything we could do to prevent the ear infections, and she replied, "If you find out, let me know. Some kids are just prone to them." She wasn't interested in discussing any alternate therapies.

So, I started asking around and heard from several moms who had great success with chiropractic treatments. The premise is that when the vertebrae in the cervical spine area are out of alignment (which can occur during birth, through the many falls and tumbles toddlers take as they're learning to walk, etc.), the Eustachian tubes cannot drain properly and therefore are prone to infection.

So, we made an appointment with a chiropractor in the area - Dr. B. - who was recommended by several of the people I spoke with. Now, when I think "chiropractor," I think "snap, crackle, pop," so I was interested to see what the he would recommend (no way I was having Bean's spine cracked).

After going through Bean's medical history, Dr. B. showed us on his plastic skeleton how misalignment causes pressure on the nerves that allow the Eustachian tubes to open, causing them to remain closed. Removing that pressure lets them open up and drain, and any infection is cleared. Accomplishing this requires exerting gentle pressure in the affected area: behind the ear where the skull meets the spine. He demonstrated the tool he would use on my finger: just a gentle pop. Then he adjusted Bean on both sides, gave her a "I love my chiropractor" sticker, and we were off. She was not bothered by the procedure at all and ate up all the attention and high-fives she received from the staff.

We have a few more treatments to complete. So far I haven't seen any of the tell-tale signs of an ear infections, and she does have a cold: so this will be a true test. I really hope this does the trick. If not, I'll be searching for some more alternative remedies while also working with her pediatrician.

Besides anecdotal evidence from the moms I talked to, this article discusses studies that have found chiropractic treatment of ear infections extremely effective. This is compared to the usual approach of using antibiotics, which are not always effective and can actually make children susceptible to more infections.

I will post an update on this issue soon.

Whoever designed my laptop obviously does not have kids

WHY would one make the power button on an otherwise dull, black laptop key pad BIG, ROUND, SILVER, and SHINY?

At least once a day Bean is drawn to its sparkly siren song and MUST press it. Sometimes I think I've stopped her in time, but my screen betrays me with its "PREPARING TO HIBERNATE" message...and whatever I had been working on is gone.

Thanks, Sony.

Transcript 5

8 AM Monday morning...

Hubby: How are you?

Me: Ugh. Bean was up four times last night, and I've been up since 5. I feel like a zombie.

Hubby: Well, you look pretty good for a zombie. You can eat my brain any time.

And then, under his breath, as he walked away: Though you probably wouldn't get much of a meal...