Wednesday, February 21, 2007

In anticipation of... night!

Hubby and I have a date tonight! Sure, we've been out together without the Bean a few times, but these "dates" were before the blessed, glorious SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT, and we were usually too tired for more than a quick dinner close to home.

Tonight we actually have plans out of town(!). It's no biggie, really - it's just like any other Saturday night we would have spent pre-pregnancy. But as I showered (and shaved, *winkwink*) this morning, I realized I was pretty excited!

It's amazing how having a baby changes your marriage. You expect it to bring you closer, and it does. You expect it to bring incredible joy and happiness, and it does. But I certainly didn't anticipate how the challenges of extreme sleep deprivation and being on-call 24-7 would test our bond. Even when we're together, working as a team, sometimes it feels like we're miles apart: focused on getting everything done and drained of energy and patience and affection when there finally is a break in the action.

For the first few months, I was really worried. I was constantly on edge with Hubby. He bore the brunt of my frustration, sometimes deservedly so but most of the time - not. I needed someone to snap at, and I couldn't snap at the helpless screaming baby, so Hubs was an easy target. And I was scared. Is our marriage going to survive this? I thought having a baby had a positive impact on your relationship! My mother and married-with-baby friends assured me that it was normal and would pass...I wasn't so sure. I love this guy! Why am I lashing out at him?
He was (is) endlessly patient with me, god-love-'im.


Luckily, around 5 months (OK, maybe 6), the fog lifts, and most of the stress of taking care of a fussy baby turns to fun as she laughs more, sleeps more, and cries less. Now there are those moments when the bustle of the day is behind us, when the three of us relax in the Bean's room with her nightlight and jammies on... And we lock eyes as she plays between us. And without a word, we know: we've never been closer or more in love.

A huge part of what I love about my husband today is what an incredible father he is to our Bean.

Of course it's not all chocolate covered strawberries - we still have our tense times. And he is still endlessly patient when I lash out. But I'm no longer worried that we're in trouble.

And as much as I love our three-of-us time, I know that Hubby and I need time alone too, to sustain our happiness as time passes. Now,
when that Bean goes down for her glorious 12 hours of sleep, or, in this case, when Grandma is here to babysit, we've got to nurture that bond. So, date night it is.


NuttyMeatfruit said...

*Goosebumps* - what beautiful imagery :) I hope you really paint the town RED tonight!

melanie said...

Hiya! Nuttymeatfruit sent me.

I'm a new mom too - I have 11 month old twins and everything you said about babies bringing you closer but testing your relationship is SO TRUE. It's hard. Damn hard. So hard that we're moving to be closer to family hard.

Have a fantastic time on your date. Kiss your husband like he's a man, not a daddy, k?

BeanMa said...

Thanks Nuttymeatfruit and Melanie! Date night was fun.

Like a man, not a daddy...I like that. So did Hubs. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I found your blog via the Lactivist. I don't know how old your baby is but it gets better. I don't mean it is bad now, but that sweet baby gets bigger and you and your husband will have more time together.

Good for you for taking time out for your marriage! Very important.